Left the trail feeling like I left a part of me on the trail, but I left it nonetheless. This morning's last minute decision to run the ATT was a good choice, I'm pretty sure it was the only way I would have run the 17 mile run today. The mental and physical toughness to get through this run was about all I could bear. So when I left, I also left a little attitude there with it.
With heavy, tired legs, sore knee, tight hamstrings, and no desire to run, I headed out to White Oak. Sure, the weather behaved this morning, but my sitter showed up super late leaving me with a run that ended at the peak of day. I always feel uneasy about running solo on the ATT, that's why I didn't want to go alone today. I want the flat area, but want the security of being with someone. So, with my can of mace in tow, I decided I'd just go for it. To make this run a little safer, but also very boring, I stayed within 2 miles of my car at all times---that means I went back and forth for 17 miles!! Crazy boring FOR SURE (especially when my iPod battery died AGAIN by mile 8 despite being fully charged this morning). Every mile seemed to take forever, every muscle seemed to be screaming for help, every brain wave said to stop running (I'm in taper mode anyway, so why run this far!!)
Feel the negativity yet??? Yeah, I sure did. Once my battery died, I was left alone with my thoughts (and the 4-5 foot long snake I nearly ran into) and that can be scary too. I was able to turn that negativity into something positive, one step at a time and slowly the miles crept by faster and faster (all the while cursing the ground I was running on.)
The physical strength it takes to get through a marathon is pretty important, but the mental strength ranks just as high, you need to be willing to stick it out when the going gets tough--and it will get tough. You can choose to run or choose to give up, ultimately it's your choice. I really didn't need to run 17 today, I could have done 13 since I'm 2 weeks from race day, but I knew that 17 would be more of a mentally tough run and that's what I needed. I wanted to see if I could push through pain, through frustration, through heat and all the negativity I had going into this run. What do you know, I did it...all 17. That's what it's about, it's about finishing what you've started and feeling success when you're through. I didn't time my miles, didn't care what pace I was running, it was all about staying on course and channeling the mental energy it took to complete it.
I know I'm ready, I don't know how I'll do on race day, but at least I've done all that I could do to prepare for it. This time I'm prepared and that's all I can take with me on race day. There will be good days and bad, fast days and slow, perfect weather days and horrible ones, but at least I feel ready and I'm just happy with that. Now if I can just get my iPod figured out so it'll last at least 4 hours, then I'll be all set.
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