It's been a long while...

I seem to have lost my rhythm and can't get it back. Ever since we went to North Carolina, I seem to have lost it. Wednesday was the first time I've been in the water and on a bike in just over 2 weeks! The only reason I did it was because this Sunday is the LTF indoor tri and I don't want to come in last place. I've lost my motivation, desire, umph, and I'm just plain tired. I have been getting up early enough just to head out for a run, that's it. The 9 mile run on Sat. was fabulous, the 7 mile run on Tuesday was even better, and then the snow came. I'm sick of running in snow, mush, and ice, so no run today.

Life is more than just running, biking, swimming. It's full of juggling, balancing, working, making choices, staying afloat, trials, commitments, and so much more. When your life feels like it's crumbling down around you and you're left standing in the middle of the heap of rubble, you contemplate what your life stands for. You wonder if all you've worked for was worth it, if all you've done has meant something, if you'd do the same things all over again or if you'd do it differently if you could.

I've come to a point where I just don't know what way is up or down, left or right, and I'm struggling to keep things straight. Things were falling into place so nicely, everything working out so well, and now what....Just as quickly as they seemed right, they are now crumbling around me. I'm waiting, trying to remain patient and calm, but waiting is hard. Wait for this decision, wait for that person, wait for an answer, wait to decide, wait for everything! When I run, or do just about anything else, I do it fast. I love fast. The faster the better. When I play tennis the coach always comments on how fast I am. When I run, I try to outrun everyone on the bike path. When I bike, I go as fast as my legs can take me. When I shop at the mall, I shop fast. When I swim, it's fast pace all the way. I like things to happen and happen quickly, it's just who I am. The problem now is that we have some decisions to make as a family that are taking way too long, just too slow. It's affecting my workouts, it's driving me crazy, I can't think straight, I don't know what else to do but wait, and I hate that. I hope things work out soon, I really hope I can get back into training, and I hope the decisions are finalized before I go nuts waiting.