Side note on Fostering...

Sometimes I get caught up in my training, tennis, studying, the kids, and forget about the other things that are going on around me. This past month has been a difficult one with our foster baby being so sick that I haven't realized the impact of what might occur next week already! Monday is the court hearing, the pre-trial. No one seems to have a handle on what decision might be made but we know that the judge will make a decision that will affect this baby forever. The sadness and disappointment that could come with this decision might be more than I'm ready to handle.

Sweet baby, baby we love so dear, my heart aches at the thought of seeing you go.

Joy flooded my soul when I first saw you just after your birth, your precious little body all swaddled in your bassinet. I've watched you grow, seen your first tooth erupt, aided your first attempts at crawling, and giggled when you jabbered your first word, "mama." Every time you say "mama" it warms my heart but also tears me apart knowing that I'm only your "temporary" mama and I might never see you again. Our home has been yours for 11 months now and you've become a part of our family, a sibling, a daughter. The life outside the womb in which you came from was not a life you'd remember. You've been spared heartache, pain, misery, "street life" thus far but now sadly, I regret to say, that now you might have to return to it. My sorrow is deep, my stomach aches, my heart is hurting. All things happen for a reason, we often don't understand it until much later. Whatever path your life takes, know that you are loved, prayed for, appreciated, and will always have a place to call home. I pray that you will remain untouched, unharmed, and safe. Even as you roam the streets, I pray you will remember what love is and know in your heart that you will always remain loved. I pray that your heart will remain pure, able to love. You are a beautiful girl, precious in God's sight. Stay strong on the inside, let no one tear you down or destroy your soul, for you were created with purpose. The tears I shed are of sadness and joy, the joy comes in knowing that I have a special place in your heart and no one can take that away from us, or you. I love you forever, I love you for always.

I have a lot to think through on my long run tomorrow, perhaps I should take my ipod so I don't go crazy. Doing foster care has been a roller coaster of a ride for me, full of emotional upheaval and good times, but I always know in my heart that it's the right thing to do. Having purpose in life, making a difference, thinking of others, raising awareness, are all ways to give back to society. No matter how much heartache and pain, it's worth every bit of it if you can look a little girl in her big, brown eyes and say, "I did this for you because you are so special."