The "WALL"

There's this imaginary "wall" that runners talk about, it usually appears around mile 20 in a marathon.  It basically means your body has run out of energy by depleting your glycogen stores to early in the race.  Once you've run into this wall, it's extremely difficult to get past it, you simply having nothing left to give.   I haven't hit this wall in a race in years, but this past month of running?  Well, that's a different story.  I seem to have run smack into this enormous wall, planted myself at its base, painted a lovely picture on it for decoration, and have an "extended stay" sign written across the top.

So here I sit, or have been sitting.  I've tried pushing through this wall but my legs wouldn't go.  I've looked for a map as to point the way around it, but it seems to go on forever like it's bordering the US and Mexico and not letting anyone past it.  This wall had become so gigantic that the world's largest ladder wasn't able to get me over it.  I've asked friends to come along side me and help me crawl under it, but even then, there was just no way.

Running is my stress release, it's my passion, it's my quiet time, it's what I love to do, so why can't I push through this barrier?  I suppose all the months of training has tired me out, the constant scheduling of races  and speed workouts, the over use of the same muscle groups and the constant mental fatigue that goes along with that.  I understand these reasons, but it doesn't make it any easier.  One day last week, I drove to the trail (cursing under my breath because I really didn't have the energy or desire to run), I got out and ran literally 1/10th of a mile and quit.  I walked back to my car, drove home to take an unnecessary shower, and went about my day.   Honestly, that's been my reality for weeks.

I have many friends who say things like, "you inspire me...I wish I could run like you do....it's great that you love to run.....I wish I had your energy......"   I'm not feeling all that inspirational, all that inspiring, all that energetic or even all that confident.  Some days, weeks, or months are a struggle, I'm no different than anyone else.  The best thing I've done for myself during this "funk" is give myself time.  Time to relax, slow down, give my body a break, do some things I haven't done in months because the running always takes over.  I can't believe how much I've accomplished!  Though it's hard to take a step back when everyone around you is conquering PR's, it may be the only thing you CAN do in order to make a come back.

Today was a major breakthrough.  Last night I told my husband that I NEEDED to run "long" Saturday morning, it was just something I desperately needed to push myself to do.  There just has to be a way to get over this wall so I figured I'd rent a bulldozer and plow it down first thing in the morning.  I added as many new songs to my iPod as possible (I haven't even run with this thing for months), picked out a new pair of running socks (anything new can get me motivated), set my alarm for an early rise to avoid the heat/humidity these mornings have been bringing, and told my husband to kick me out of bed if I put up any fuss in the morning.

When morning came, I put on my running clothes and ate my usual breakfast in the quietness of my house (something I always treasure) and I tried to envision how this run would go.  The plan was to run 6 miles at east campus, maybe steering off to the gardens if I needed water, this felt like something mentally manageable to start with.  I kept a close eye on my watch, another distraction for my thoughts, and was amazed by the numbers popping up on the screen.  I felt confident, secure, and physically stronger than I have in weeks!  Perhaps these workouts at Active Edge with Meredith have been paying off!  I was so incredibly thankful and over joyed with the way my body responded that I bulldozed right through this wall and it all came crashing down behind me.  Literally, dust left behind me as I continued on the dry trail.  In fact, this run was 7.1 miles in 57:26, a huge confidence builder and an emotional breakthrough.  No, not the paces I was pushing a few months ago, but I know that will come back in time, today was proof it's just around the corner.