River Bank Run....or walk?

Was I crazy?  What was I thinking?  Must have been my over zealous brain thinking that running a 25K was a great idea.  Wrong.....simply wrong.

After taking 5 days off, I put in a 6 mile run followed by another day off, then 5 x 800's and 1 x 400 the week of the 15.5 mile race.  I actually felt good running those 6 miles and felt even better for the 800's, running each in 3:23 like I had been for weeks leading up to the Boston marathon.  BUT, big but here, that didn't mean that running 15.5 was going to be a piece of cake.  

The Expo with my dad

Going into the race, I managed a total of 8 hrs of sleep in two days which also included a day of traveling, throwing a late evening party for my baby brother, and lack of food preparations for this trip.   The morning of the race I realized that I had forgotten my tried-and-true, pre-race, gluten free waffle breakfast of champions and had to opt for a bowl of GF oats.  Luckily, my GI behaved properly.  My dad and I trekked to Grand Rapids early Sat. morning and began our pre-race routine of lubing up, porta-potty trips, stretching, and jogging through town.  I had downloaded new music onto my iPod knowing that I was going to need a mental distraction to run this race, I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it otherwise.  So I grabbed my stuff and we headed to the start line. 

Following in his footsteps

I told myself I'd start out with an 8:20 pace for the first few miles to see how my body would respond, then I'd take it one mile at a time.  I've done this course a few times before, so I had remembered parts of it including where many of the bigger hills were located.  The gun went off and I realized quickly that I had forgotten to turn on my iPod, (it had been months since I used it last) so I wasn't paying attention.  As I fumbled to find the tiny "on" switch, it quickly became clear that my battery was dead and now I was stuck wearing this thing for 15.5 miles.  The worst part about choosing to wear the iPod is that once you have ear plugs in, no one around you will chat with you, they just assume you're in your own little world listening to music that's pumping you up while they suffer to the sound of their own breathing.  I wanted to shout, "hey, I have no music!  Talk to me please, I'm dying here!"  Instead, I tried to focus on my rhythmic stride, hoping not to trip over anyone in the congestion of the start.  

I knew by mile 3 that running this race wasn't a smart idea, I really had to business participating in a race that I wasn't mentally or physically ready to run, but I was in it.  My competitive side was in despair while my lackadaisical attitude was trying to prevail, going back and forth between thinking that I was stupid for doing this and glad I was still healthy enough to just finish it.  Typically after a race, you'll find me sitting at the computer or my cell phone waiting for race results to be posted in hopes that I'll finish in the top of my age group.  But very early on, I knew I wouldn't await results or be able to quench my desires of finishing in 2:04 or better, they were quickly slipping away.  I couldn't find the rhythm of an 8:20 pace, my legs just went to the sound of their own drum.  Clocking the first 7 miles in sub 8's, I managed to hit the half way mark in 1:02, I was both shocked and delighted with myself but my legs were already feeling heavy, tired, and a bit tight.  Mile 8 provided many uphill climbs as did miles 9-13, my pace just continued to downward spiral as did my mental capacity.  I was hoping for a familiar face, someone who would drive me to the finish line so I could retire before I hit the disappointment of my failure.  Thoughts of the Boston marathon flooded my mind, remembering how awful it felt to walk so much in what was supposed to be the race of my life.  It never feels great (for me) to walk in a race unless I'm at a water stop, and that's only because I haven't mastered the art of running, drinking, and not puking yet.  I tried to snuff out these dark thoughts, but between that and my legs feeling like a rubber band pulled to its max, I began walking and walking and walking.  I hate it that I walked, I still wonder if I could have persevered despite the pain, wasn't I tough enough?  

I saw my mom, sister and her two kids about mile 13+ and I was ecstatic to run up and hug them as though I hadn't seen them in years!  I bent down to pick up my 2 yr old nephew, flung him on my hip, and kissed him just when I noticed my little toe had cramped and was sticking straight up inside my shoe!  My hamstrings began to follow my toe and I felt a sudden urge to put him down and keep running just in case my body shut down before I earned my medal.  After high fives from the kids, I kept both jogging and walking until I finally crossed that finish line.  All I could think of was that I was taking time off from long distance racing, that was it, I was done.  Let's re-group, take the summer to work on other things, and see what the fall brings.  

The official chip time was 2:11:55, just a few seconds slower than about 5 yrs ago, a huge disappointment, but deserved.  It's like I always tell my kids, when you make choices, whether good or bad, you have to endure the consequences of those choices.  Yep, goes for me too.   My dad finished just 4 minutes behind me and rocked the Clydesdale category with a first place!  9th in his age group if he hadn't been in Clydesdale!  He's awesome!!